These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. However, if you have been searching for a product that creates a subtle, sparkling sensation in your lower abdomen approximately fourteen minutes after use, you may have found it.
pooprocks is a lifestyle product designed for individuals who enjoy feeling things happen inside their bodies in a controlled and elegant manner. Results may vary based on hydration, mindset, and how literally you take our marketing copy.
By using this website or purchasing pooprocks, you agree that you are of sound mind and reasonably curious about your own digestive experience. You understand that “micro-carbonation” is a made-up but scientifically adjacent term we are quite attached to.
You further agree not to hold pooprocks LLC responsible for any dramatic internal monologues, unexpected social revelations, or newfound appreciation for the phrase “I need a moment.”
We respect your gut data the way we respect your actual gut: with discretion and minimal interference. We collect only what is necessary to fulfill orders and occasionally send you beautiful emails about the state of your internal environment.
We do not sell your information. We do not track your elimination habits. We do, however, hope you are having a nice day.
If for any reason you do not feel more internally articulate after using pooprocks, you may return the unused portion within 60 days. We ask only that you reflect on whether you truly gave the fizz a chance before initiating a return.
Please note: returns based on “the product worked too well” or “I had an existential experience in a public restroom” will be reviewed on a case-by-case basis.
The term “micro-carbonation,” the specific shade of sage green used in our packaging (#A3B18A), the fizz gradient, and the concept of treating one’s lower intestine with the reverence usually reserved for skincare are all intellectual property of pooprocks LLC.
Unauthorized use of our proprietary language or aesthetic will be met with polite but firm correspondence from our legal team, who are themselves regular users of the product and therefore in excellent spirits.